Manchester United

In today's Football Daily: A tricky rematch for Erik ten Hag, a threatening vote of confidence and more smartar$ery.

“In these times of utter negativity, I am glad and thankful for the new Memory Lane feature. The Daily is drowning in a sea of $martarsary. Eddie Howe’s side travel to West Ham, the first of a Can we start a rumour that Spurs are set to appoint Ted Lasso?” – Iain Plummer. Yes, the 1,057 are $martarses, but then, isn’t he a $martarse for pointing that out? “Jack King raises a troubling ontological issue about the nature of being a $martarse. A win for the visitors would add Brentford to the Big Cup qualification mix. A maker of often stunning saves, the Spaniard increasingly resembles an accident waiting to happen whenever his side is in possession and the ball is at his feet. As is customary when a big club is humbled in such a fashion by supposed minnows, the majority of the post-match focus centred on the losers’ myriad shortcomings rather than the excellence of the victors who put them to the sword. He and his defenders, many of whom probably still endure night terrors prompted by their shellacking by the Bees earlier this season, can expect to be swarmed repeatedly this evening whenever they attempt to play the ball out from the back. While things have picked up for United since their inauspicious opening to the season, their most recent outing at Newcastle saw them revert to habits of old. Above them, Newcastle and Brighton are already doing their damnedest to take advantage of various Big Cup grandees’ current penchant for blunderbussing themselves in the foot.